A damn good start.
I despise mediocrity in general, but for some reason (maybe it’s because I have a degree in music ed?), I hate mediocre band directors most of all. Maybe it is because I have to fix their mistakes? Perhaps it is because a truly good band director is almost like a diamond — Fine, precious, and polished. Even a decent band director with good intentions can win me over. I mean, at least they are trying hard.
This thought process began two weeks ago…….
I received an email from a student’s parent looking for a bassoon teacher to teach her young child.
Facts you need to know:
1) The student played clarinet and trumpet, but now was very excited to play the bassoon (hooray? hooray!)
2) The student had the bassoon in her possession for 2 months.
3) Read #2 again….just do it
It was an in-home lesson, so I drove to their place. When I came into the house, the student was sitting on a drum stool with the bassoon in their hands. I said hello and sat down next to them on the couch. No chairs without arms, except for this percussion stool….alright…I guess we’ll deal for now…..
I then took her bassoon from her. ”Where’s the seat strap?” I asked. ”What’s a seat strap?” I then held mine up. “Something that looks a bit like this. It hooks to the bottom of the bassoon.” “Ohhhhhh….I have something like that….you want me to get it?” I smiled a little, “Yes please.” The student then brings me back a seat strap with a ring on it. Not my favorite, but I can deal.
It then occurs to me…. What was she using to hold up the bassoon? I then asked. Her answer….”Oh, I didn’t know how to use it, so I was just holding it up.” Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what I like to call Red Flag #1.
So, I place the seat strap on the bassoon for her, and show her how to use it. I then tell her to sit down, and put the bassoon in playing position. She then places the bassoon on her left side with the bassoon facing the opposite direction (holes facing the body). For those of you who do not play bassoon, or can’t look up a picture on the internet…the bassoon belongs on the right of the body, with the holes pointing out away from the body, so that they can be played by the fingers. Just in case you can’t look up a picture on the internet, or you know, youtube video, or a book….or even a Degas painting. Red Flag #2
Now, by this time, I am wondering if the student has even tried the bassoon in the two months that she has had the instrument. Her mother clearly told me that she had the bassoon for a while. I then begin to correct her placement of the bassoon. (Red Flag #3) She then makes the blessed mistake of handing me her bocal……..
I cannot, dear reader, describe to you the overwhelming disgust and rage I suddenly had for this young student’s band director. The bocal had this rubber eraser-like substance wrapped haphazardly around the end of the bocal where the cork would normally be. Barely glued to the bocal, this rubbery monstrosity stopped the bocal from going even a third of the way into the bassoon. It made a seal, but the bocal was so high above the whisper key, that it wasn’t going to work. I unceremoniously ripped it off of the bocal, and placed my spare bocal in her bassoon for the rest of the lesson. when I said “Go tell your band director this needs to be recorked,” what I really wanted to say was “Go tell your terrible band director that his inattention to detail has caused this atrocity to your education. I’m very sorry….tell him it needs to be recorked.” Red Flag #4
So I then asked the student what kind of books they were working out of in band. I had already talked to her mom about other books, but I wanted to know what method books they were using, so I could help her catch up a little. She then hands me a flute book. That’s right, readers….. Red Flag #5! Instead of taking the time to teach her to at least decipher bass clef, which I would now have to do….this band director had decided to just hand this poor student a flute book, because, of course, she could already read treble clef.
By the end of this lesson, I could hardly speak for the anger I felt towards this poor student’s TERRIBLE band director!!! Let’s recap, shall we? This student has spent two months holding up the instrument with no support, backwards, with a defunct bocal, and reading treble clef.
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!?! How does a student sit in your band, right in front of you for two months and not play a note that sounds like anything? HOW?? I will be the first person to say that a band director’s job is hard….but there is no excuse for this. None at all.
I have taught plenty of students with bad habits produced by well meaning, but misinformed band directors. Bad habits I can handle. My band director gave me a good start, and my band director was a trumpet player! I had a crazy tonguing thing that wasn’t fixed until I was 17, but I could make a beautiful sound, and play in tune. Am I really asking too much as a musician? Am I really expecting too much from someone who potentially teaches 60 kids in one sitting?
Nope…that’s what you signed up for….do your job.