Snow days make me want to settle down, into a nice warm slumber. Unfortunately, I HAVE TO PRACTICE! A lot. Stony Brook University has still not gotten back to me as to whether I have an audition or not, which makes me ridiculously nervous. I also understand that they, in fact, lost my CD, and found it a few days ago. Therefore, I’m sure either Frank Morelli hasn’t listened to it yet, or, he will this next week. I’m hoping to hear from them soon, so that I can make all travel arrangements to get to Long Island. I really hope I make it past the prescreening, and get an audition. If I don’t, I suppose life goes on, but it will be a slight blow to my ego. 😦
I can’t really tell you how much all of this means to me. I talk a lot about performing. All the time. All I ever talk about is how I want to play brand new music, but, for nothing else, whether my career goes the way I want it, or not, I want to teach. I want to be that teacher that I had the privilege of having.
The other night, a friend of mine and I were waiting for our drink at the local bar. Needless to say, it wasn’t his first drink of the night, and he was quite inebriated. But, we got to talking about what we would be doing, if we had chosen the other careers lying before us at the beginning of our adult lives, and I don’t think I will ever forget what he said:
“I was really good at math, Jolene. Really good. I could have done anything. Anything. But, music….” this is when he touched his chest, and closed his eyes. “Music is everything. If I wasn’t playing the horn, I don’t know what I would do…….probably feel nothing. You know what I mean?”
I did. I think we all do. I want all of this so bad. I want to prove to my family that I can make it. I want to prove to my teachers that I was worth while. And mostly, I want to prove to myself that this was the right choice….the only choice.