My apartment is a mess.
No really…this is like, the messiest it has ever been in my life…..and I’m not the tidiest person in the world, but it’s never been this messy. It’s reaching the point of critical mass. Pretty soon my mind will implode and I begin wondering where my life went to, and what made my entire apartment look like the inside of a hoarders episode. Then I fall into this ridiculous pit of apartment despair, where I can no longer face the mess incurring on my floor and all other flat surfaces. I then begin to conjure, in my mind, ways that I could get rid of the mess the quickest.
I then lie on the only clean spot on my bed, and imagine the arson that it would take to demolish my apartment completely, leaving me with nothing but cinders that I could simply sweep away…..
But that might effect the other people in other apartments around me, or you know….the dude under me. That wouldn’t be good…..
A SMALL BULLDOZER!!! You know, one of those little bobcats they use at the city dump? YES! YEEESSSSS…..
But getting it up the stairs, and through the door might be a challenge….and then there’s the whole cost of renting it….. too much work…..
A really large shopvac….. something with like, super sucking power……
Can’t do that….too much stuff I actually might need…..
Then I begin to imagine the most unimaginable things….
If I could get a giant goat…or maybe just a set of small goats….perhaps two….no….three….yeah….
They could eat stuff, and I could pick up some things I might actually want to keep, while they eat things. It would be amazing…..they would eat everything I wanted them to!
And then I suddenly wake up from my power hungry, hoarders-induced dream….
My floor is still a mess….there is reed equipment all over my bed…..and I still hate my apartment. And then I do what my mother always told me to do, and start at one corner of the room, and move my way through the house….one room at a time. Ugh….this is so much less fun.